Hard to believe Dad never made it to see this year. I remember when I was little, we would talk about how far away the year 2000 was and what life would be like then. I remember him saying that I would be pushing him around in a wheelchair at the turn of the century. It seemed so far away and so unreal, and he would be so old and I would be so in my 20's...? I never forgot that conversation. I think he was as clueless and as fascinated and as scared as I was to try to see into the future. I had no idea where my life would lead me and 26 years old seemed so grown up. I think he was scared to think of me, his oldest daughter, as grown up and scared to think of what that meant for him.
Now I wonder what life will be like without him. I thought ringing in the new year would lift a weight off of my shoulders since 2011 was so tough. But it seems to have done the opposite. At least in 2011 I had my dad for a short while. In 2012, I never will.
It still all seems so surreal at times and I can't quite wrap my head around the fact that he's really gone. He was bigger than life and such a strong presence that I kind of expected the world to stop spinning so fast or the sun to shine a little less, or gravity to give up it's hold on us if he wasn't around. He was part of things. How can he just be gone?
Jen
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