Yes, but...

So recently I attended my 20 year high school reunion where I was able to get together with some of my really good friends from childhood. It was great to see them but when the inevitable topic of dad came up, it was somewhat difficult. Some who didn't know me or my personal drama at home were very sympathetic and offered their condolances. But, for those that knew me well and knew what happened behind the scenes, they had a much harder time figuring out what to say. It mainly went something like this: "Sorry to hear about your dad, but I just remember how mean he was to you guys." That usually came from the mouths of my friends who had spent some time at my house and felt and saw and heard enough that they NEVER came back. We remained friends and I understood why they didn't want to spend much time there. But that gives me great conflict.

I truly appreciate how protective they were and are of me and how much they cared about how I and my siblings were treated. But my first reaction is to say But! But you have no idea of the great things he did! You have no idea how truly funny and silly he was. You have no idea of the hilariously inappropriate and unconventional things he did as a dad with us kids. Did YOUR dad ever wear his underwear on his head and chase you around the house? Did he ever fart in the truck then roll up the windows and laugh his head off while you gagged and choked? Did he ever send paper airplanes engulfed in flames off the deck? Did he ever lure a family of racoons into your living room with lunch meat while the entire family sat there in silence and shock? Did he ever let you drive his restored pick up truck home from Butte College? Did he take you on a trail ride on a draft horse?!

My dad's bad was bad. But his good was great! For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Right? I'm sorry my friends only remember the bad. That was probably my fault being a dramatic teenager and all. You tend to focus on the negative.

Dad, I'm sorry I didn't focus more on the positive, great stuff you did. I'm sorry my friends didn't know how wonderful you were. I'm glad you were my dad and I remember and I'll never forget you or how much you loved me.

Jen

Dad's Look-A-Like

I met with this guy today at a jobsite and it blew me away how much he reminded me of dad (shortly after chemo started when he went bald and lost a lot weight). I told him this and asked to take his picture. He was so sweet and said, "Anytime you miss your dad, you come visit me."

I could have stayed and talked to him all day. He was of Russian/Spanish/Israeli decent, name of Yosef Merhav, and had a spanish accent that, to me, sounded middle eastern or possibly russian. Made me happy and sad to look at him. I shook his hand, but really just wanted to give him a hug!!! Weird, huh?

Jen